posted by ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
laurificus at 04:26pm on 17/05/2009 under i heart sam winchester, sam's notice period, supernatural, the epic love of epicness
laurificus at 04:26pm on 17/05/2009 under i heart sam winchester, sam's notice period, supernatural, the epic love of epicnessLook, this is what happens when you watch 3 episodes back to back after everyone else has already seen it. Talking. Endless talking when other people are all like, "Yes, we've established this. Please move on, already."
Anyway, remember how Sam was on notice for a while? I suspect--very strongly--that he has been taken off it. And to prove it, I am copying and pasting this comment I made todestina, because I have a lot of Sam love, and I feel the need to share it with everyone. Even if this particular post is really more about how much Sam loves Dean.
I honestly, honestly believe they are exactly as devoted to each other. I had my doubts for some of this season, especially at the start, when Sam seemed so cold, but now, I just can't see it as anything but Sam having epic, crazy, stupid love for Dean. If he were more devoted--dude, I don't know what that would look like, because it's already kind of terrifying.
For me, it looks like Sam needs him less, because half the time, he displays it by doing everything Dean doesn't want. Part of it is just that Sam has always been the one who's more sure of himself, the one who thinks he's the smartest person in the room (and, really, a lot of the time, that’s half of what I love about him, probably half of what Dean does, too). If Dean doesn't trust him; if Dean would rather take the word of the angels instead of Sam, then that'll break his heart, but it won't change his mind about what he has to do--especially when what he has to do, he genuinely believes, is what's necessary to keep Dean safe. He's sometimes arrogant and proud, yes, and his surety about his own rightness was a huge problem here, but that doesn't make it not all about Dean. Remember in 4.20, that speech he makes to Jimmy--you get far, far away and you never see them again, or you put a bullet in your head; that's how you keep them safe? That's what he did at the end of 4.21 and for most of 4.22, and even then, he couldn't do it completely. There was a part of him that couldn't give up the hope that Dean might forgive him. I think that's why he didn't listen to the message. Maybe it does look like Dean’s breaking down doors to get to him while Sam’s ignoring his efforts to reach out, but Dean’s terrified of what’ll happen if he doesn’t get Sam, and Sam’s terrified of hearing that Dean’s really done with him (and maybe, of caving and not being strong enough to keep turning away from Dean if, by some miracle, Dean really was calling to make things better). They’re absolutely motivated by the same thing, just manifested differently.
The other part of it is just how each of them responds to the other being threatened. When it's Sam in danger, Dean's strategy is to run with him as fast and as far as he can. Remember wanting to go to Amsterdam? Trying to get Sam out of harm's way in 4.18? He'll put himself between the world and Sam in a heartbeat, but he won't go looking for the fight until he has to. Sam's response, otoh, is to face the threat as soon as possible, to destroy it before it can hurt them—look how quickly he leaps to the idea of killing the angels in 4.10, the second Dean becomes their target. What happens in Scarecrow is exactly that same pattern: Dean Wants them following John's orders so that Sam's out of the way, and Sam wants to walk straight into it and get it over with. He came back then, because Dean was in danger, just like he came back in Hunted because Dean was in danger. This time, though, he thought he was protecting Dean, so there was no way he was coming back, and there was no way they could be on the same page, because they both wanted so desperately to save each other. Dean wanted Sam out of dodge, and if that meant hiding Sam away and making them less able to stop the apocalypse, then so be it. Sam wanted Dean out of dodge, and if that meant he had to become a monster to do it, and lose Dean's love in the process, if he had to burn all his bridges to save him, then so be it. (Saving the world was part of it, too, of course, but protecting Dean, I think, was the primary motive.)
And also, it was inevitable they'd have to split here, because Sam is much more accepting of the idea that Dean will always protect him. He grew up with it; it's the one thing in his life that's always been true. Dean, though, has a much, much harder time with the idea that Sam should sacrifice himself to save him, so Sam ends up fighting Dean, as well as whatever he's trying to defend him from. In Sam’s head, Sam can't be with Dean and save him, because Dean won't let him.
Dude, I know I keep talking, but I just--seriously, nothing Sam did wasn't motivated by how much he loves and needs Dean. Ruby knew which buttons to press, and his own failings got in the way, but every choice was centered on Dean. He starts using the powers because Dean's gone, and he doesn't really care what happens to himself. (And dude, slightly tangentially, he was willing to go to hell in Dean's place. He didn't even want a year; he wanted just to be taken. HE LOVES HIM SO MUCH! Ahem...). He stops using the powers when Dean throws a fit about it, and he really, really tries to do it Dean's way, because it's what Dean wants. Then Dean tells him they're not making it out alive using his way--that Dean doesn't even really care if he doesn't--and in the same episode, he watches Dean nearly die again, while he's helpless again. So he stops doing what Dean wants, because Ruby tells him her way will give them a chance.
And when he really goes into freefall in 4.21, it's because he thinks the thing that he's most scared of has happened, that Dean honestly doesn't love him anymore. Which, fine, he'll take that loss, for Dean, but it gives him nothing to hold onto. If Dean's already given him up, it makes no difference what Sam does. And still, in that moment when he's most lost, he goes back to Dean; he listens to the message--and you know if he'd gotten the real one, that would have been enough to save him; just a 30 second promise that Dean was still his brother would have done it--and that last tiny bit of hope gets killed, so he kills the girl, because seeing this through is all he’s got.
God, his face, when he gets that message. And just in general, believing all through 4.22 that he doesn't have a future--that he doesn't even deserve one--but doing it anyway, because he really, really thinks it'll be worth it. And now, he has to live with what he’s done and--wah! He breaks my heart.
I am, once again, late. Why do I always post before I'm supposed to be going somewhere? I do think we can all agree, though, that Sam is more important than dinner.
Anyway, remember how Sam was on notice for a while? I suspect--very strongly--that he has been taken off it. And to prove it, I am copying and pasting this comment I made to
destina, because I have a lot of Sam love, and I feel the need to share it with everyone. Even if this particular post is really more about how much Sam loves Dean. I honestly, honestly believe they are exactly as devoted to each other. I had my doubts for some of this season, especially at the start, when Sam seemed so cold, but now, I just can't see it as anything but Sam having epic, crazy, stupid love for Dean. If he were more devoted--dude, I don't know what that would look like, because it's already kind of terrifying.
For me, it looks like Sam needs him less, because half the time, he displays it by doing everything Dean doesn't want. Part of it is just that Sam has always been the one who's more sure of himself, the one who thinks he's the smartest person in the room (and, really, a lot of the time, that’s half of what I love about him, probably half of what Dean does, too). If Dean doesn't trust him; if Dean would rather take the word of the angels instead of Sam, then that'll break his heart, but it won't change his mind about what he has to do--especially when what he has to do, he genuinely believes, is what's necessary to keep Dean safe. He's sometimes arrogant and proud, yes, and his surety about his own rightness was a huge problem here, but that doesn't make it not all about Dean. Remember in 4.20, that speech he makes to Jimmy--you get far, far away and you never see them again, or you put a bullet in your head; that's how you keep them safe? That's what he did at the end of 4.21 and for most of 4.22, and even then, he couldn't do it completely. There was a part of him that couldn't give up the hope that Dean might forgive him. I think that's why he didn't listen to the message. Maybe it does look like Dean’s breaking down doors to get to him while Sam’s ignoring his efforts to reach out, but Dean’s terrified of what’ll happen if he doesn’t get Sam, and Sam’s terrified of hearing that Dean’s really done with him (and maybe, of caving and not being strong enough to keep turning away from Dean if, by some miracle, Dean really was calling to make things better). They’re absolutely motivated by the same thing, just manifested differently.
The other part of it is just how each of them responds to the other being threatened. When it's Sam in danger, Dean's strategy is to run with him as fast and as far as he can. Remember wanting to go to Amsterdam? Trying to get Sam out of harm's way in 4.18? He'll put himself between the world and Sam in a heartbeat, but he won't go looking for the fight until he has to. Sam's response, otoh, is to face the threat as soon as possible, to destroy it before it can hurt them—look how quickly he leaps to the idea of killing the angels in 4.10, the second Dean becomes their target. What happens in Scarecrow is exactly that same pattern: Dean Wants them following John's orders so that Sam's out of the way, and Sam wants to walk straight into it and get it over with. He came back then, because Dean was in danger, just like he came back in Hunted because Dean was in danger. This time, though, he thought he was protecting Dean, so there was no way he was coming back, and there was no way they could be on the same page, because they both wanted so desperately to save each other. Dean wanted Sam out of dodge, and if that meant hiding Sam away and making them less able to stop the apocalypse, then so be it. Sam wanted Dean out of dodge, and if that meant he had to become a monster to do it, and lose Dean's love in the process, if he had to burn all his bridges to save him, then so be it. (Saving the world was part of it, too, of course, but protecting Dean, I think, was the primary motive.)
And also, it was inevitable they'd have to split here, because Sam is much more accepting of the idea that Dean will always protect him. He grew up with it; it's the one thing in his life that's always been true. Dean, though, has a much, much harder time with the idea that Sam should sacrifice himself to save him, so Sam ends up fighting Dean, as well as whatever he's trying to defend him from. In Sam’s head, Sam can't be with Dean and save him, because Dean won't let him.
Dude, I know I keep talking, but I just--seriously, nothing Sam did wasn't motivated by how much he loves and needs Dean. Ruby knew which buttons to press, and his own failings got in the way, but every choice was centered on Dean. He starts using the powers because Dean's gone, and he doesn't really care what happens to himself. (And dude, slightly tangentially, he was willing to go to hell in Dean's place. He didn't even want a year; he wanted just to be taken. HE LOVES HIM SO MUCH! Ahem...). He stops using the powers when Dean throws a fit about it, and he really, really tries to do it Dean's way, because it's what Dean wants. Then Dean tells him they're not making it out alive using his way--that Dean doesn't even really care if he doesn't--and in the same episode, he watches Dean nearly die again, while he's helpless again. So he stops doing what Dean wants, because Ruby tells him her way will give them a chance.
And when he really goes into freefall in 4.21, it's because he thinks the thing that he's most scared of has happened, that Dean honestly doesn't love him anymore. Which, fine, he'll take that loss, for Dean, but it gives him nothing to hold onto. If Dean's already given him up, it makes no difference what Sam does. And still, in that moment when he's most lost, he goes back to Dean; he listens to the message--and you know if he'd gotten the real one, that would have been enough to save him; just a 30 second promise that Dean was still his brother would have done it--and that last tiny bit of hope gets killed, so he kills the girl, because seeing this through is all he’s got.
God, his face, when he gets that message. And just in general, believing all through 4.22 that he doesn't have a future--that he doesn't even deserve one--but doing it anyway, because he really, really thinks it'll be worth it. And now, he has to live with what he’s done and--wah! He breaks my heart.
I am, once again, late. Why do I always post before I'm supposed to be going somewhere? I do think we can all agree, though, that Sam is more important than dinner.